is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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