just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize