Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
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I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
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But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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