Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize