we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize