dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
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like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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