Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
