I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
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She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
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She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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