you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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