Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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