well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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