She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize