I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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