These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insuranceâ€
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize