So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
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He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
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A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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