we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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