I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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