Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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