i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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