Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dear god my vagina.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize