I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize