I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
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she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
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Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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