i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
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did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
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Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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