Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
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Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
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yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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