i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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