she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
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I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
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I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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