If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize