just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize