Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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