Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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