I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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