recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize