I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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