I cockslap morals
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize