yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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