dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
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You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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