When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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