just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize