I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize