My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
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I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
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A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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