He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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