I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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