I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize