just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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