Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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