Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
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I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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