i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize