I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
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And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
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the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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