I think i peed on brittanys purse
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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