It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
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We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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